10th Anniversary

You know how sometimes you get in a particular mood and you don't know why exactly you feel that way? I have had this kind of thing happen before, and it happened again today. When I thought about it a little, I realised that today is the tenth anniversary of my divorce. OH YEAH, I SAID IT! DIVORCE!!

I was married. I wanted the things my parents seemed to have: companionship, a best friend and lover, someone to celebrate the ups and downs of life with. That is not to be, at least right now.

I got married to a beautiful woman (inside and out), and I thought, "This is it. I have found the one that I will spend the rest of my life with." Apparently, the rest of my life equaled out to a little less than three years. The divorce papers (filed by her, not me) say that the marriage was "irretrievably broken." I was never sure of what that meant, because I thought, and still do think, that if you really want to make something work, you will do just that. You fight for what you truly believe in.

Granted there were problems, youth probably being the biggest of them. As young adults, we (general we) think we are not going to mature any more than we have. I am today what I will be in ten, twenty, or fifty years. But life has a funny way of showing us different. I have seen that first hand, on both sides. When I see my friends, who are younger, and seemingly going through similar situations that I went through, I try to lend my opinion and help, so that there journey will be less rocky. Almost inevitably, the people I try to help reject my help, as I did when I was in the situation. Only in retrospect can I see what my friends then were trying to do, and I appreciate them more for it.

All of this hurt so much, and I still carry the scars from it. But it has never kept me from jumping back in all over again and giving it my all.

I have never regretted the decisions I have made in life, because everything you do in life are bricks in the road leading you to where you are supposed to be. Do I wish I could go back and not do this? No, because if I hadn't had this event in my life, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this.
Have I spoken to her since the divorce? Twice, I think, once on purpose and once on accident.
Would I speak to her again? Yes, if only to see if she is happy in her life and feels as fulfilled as I do with where I am today.
Have I tried to contact her? No. Simply because she may not want to hear from me, and who am I to force my way back into her life, if ever so brief, if she is happy without knowing anything about what happened to me after?
Do I hope she'll read this? Sure, why not. I don't think I have said anything false in this post.
Will I be sad if I never talk to her? Maybe slightly, but that is just natural to feel that from someone who was your everything for however long you had them in your life.

If I am never to talk to her again, this can be my last conversation with her.

Belle*, if you read this, I hope you are happy in life. And I hope, that if you think of me, you spend more time on the happy times than sad.

Sincerely, Gaston*.

*Nicknames provided to protect the innocent. But, of course, if you are reading this blog, you can find out who Gaston is by looking at the blogger's profile. D'oh!