Zombie Strippers - 1 out of 5 Stars

I watch a lot of movies, a LOT of movies, and a majority of them are not really that good; The Doom Generation, Bloodrayne, Moulin Rouge, The Room, Fatty Drives the Bus (sorry Mick Napier and Joe Bill) just to name a few. So I like to think that I am open minded about movies, I will try to watch the whole thing. I will even try to look through the special features to see if there is anything redeeming there. Most of the time, I find the interviews with the cast and crew to be hilariously out of step with the piece.

On several occasions, I have had the luxury to watch movies that are really bad. I can only really call them movies because they were placed on celluloid. The movies themselves are scripted horribly, acted just as well, oddly lit, but almost always captured on high quality HD or film stock. These movies have their saving graces, whether it is a slightly comical side character, gratuitous nudity or gore. It is a chore to get through the whole film, and I usually will run and recommend these movies to specific people. It follows the age old mantra - "I had to suffer through algebra in high school, so you will have to suffer through algebra in high school."

But the real fun in these movies comes from the behind the scenes features and interviews. Watching as these "actors" speak so highly of what the had just created, as if it were Spartacus or Ben Hur. They will speak of the socio-economic ramifications of their film, of the political satire that they succeeded in relating, it's High-Art conceptual spirit. When I hear this, I always think to myself, "Were they shooting another movie when they gave this interview?" Because there is no way that there was any of that in the movie I just watched.

Case in point: Zombie Strippers. Take a pseudo-intellectual writer/director/producer/editor/etc. with a penchant for philosophers and old school French playwrights, add classic character actors Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger) and Jenna Jameson (Porn), one location, and have all of the characters spout off Nietzsche as they are doing various activities that have nothing to do with pondering your existence. You have to make sure, though, that these actors only say the words, not feel them or understand what they are spouting. And make sure that there are (not so) subtle homages to all the philosophers and heady thinkers throughout the entire film, in characters and places names.

Watching this movie was like getting mid-range adult film actresses to do their dirty business while reading from Beckett. I'd call it "Fellating for Godot"

Would You Rather ...

I suffer from an addictive personality. I have severe problems saying no to things, or more things, like sweets. And I tend to eat really fast, so that just compounds the problem. I am like a dog, if you leave a big of dog food out they will eat until they explode.

This thought was on my mind as I was going out to pick up the ingredients for a dessert I was making for my coworker's birthday. Because of my inability to stop eating sweet or great tasting food, I sometimes have to deny myself even one taste of them.

This got me thinking about enjoyment and creation. I like to make these desserts, but I can't sit down like everyone else and have a big helping of it. As I thought more on this, a question rose in my mind: What would I choose, to be able to create but not enjoy, or enjoy but not create?

Would I rather be able to cook wonderful meals but never be able to eat them? Or would I rather eat a 5 star meal and taste how wonderful it is, and how it can change my perspective, but know that I am incapable of making something so wonderful?

Luckily, I don't think life is black and white like this, but if you had to choose, Create but not Enjoy, or Enjoy but not Create, which way would you go?

Best Rock Ballad EVER!

Holiday Spirits

At my office, I have to deal with many people on a daily basis, answering their questions about casting notices, running clearances on people at the last minute, etc. I try to make their day both a little brighter and a little easier. And one of these people called me up today and asked me if I like red or white wine. With the holidays approaching, many of the companies that we deal with send us gift baskets to say thanks for helping make their year a prosperous one.


I unfortunately can't drink wine, but I can drink beer. Where did the stigma come from that when you attend a party, or send a gift, you would give wine? There are some really fancy beers, pretty much anything from Belgium, that could compete with any wine.


Let's say you would spend $20 on a nice bottle of gift wine, you could spend same $20 and get a really high end six pack of quality beer, or a four pack, or in some cases, just one beer. (There are $20 Beers, I have had them, and they are both good and strong.) Here is just a few, courtesy of a fine beverage store, Cork 57, with a great selection of higher end beers and wines.




So this year, when you have to go to a party or give a gift, give the gift of beer. Think about this, have you ever gone to someone's place and seen bottles of wine that have yet to be opened and enjoyed? Now, have you ever gone to someones place and seen bottles of beer that have yet to be opened and enjoyed?


Exactly.

The Jackson 5 -1

I listen to Pandora while I am at work, it helps to make the day go by quicker, and one of the major ads they have on the site is for this new series, The Jack5ons: A Family Dynasty. This new series seemingly focuses on the four brothers, what's left of the Jackson 5, attempting to be musical. Apparently on the heels of their brothers death, the family now has a burgeoning musical career and tv series. But question for you is this, besides the late King of Pop, and Tits-out Janet, who else from this "dynasty" is talented enough to warrant a comeback, or even a series?

When you think of the Jackson 5, who do you remember? Michael. You don't remember Tito, Jermaine, Jackie or the other one. (Marlon, just found out, apparently the Jackson's and the Wayans are a crossover family)

So if the only real talented ones are either dead or not involved in this new show, who cares?

I'm nottrying to be mean, it just don't make no sense.

Art is ________

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, then how come when you are assigned a thousand word essay for a class or something, you get an F if you turn in a picture?

Serendipity on a Gloomy Day

Growing up, my parents would get my brother and I Advent Calendars for the Christmas Season. For those who don't know, an Advent Calendar is a calendar that counts from December 1 - 25, and behind each of the dates is a piece of chocolate.

This year was the first year that my parents didn't send us one. ( know, I am 33 and my brother is 38, but we love us some Advent Calendars) My folks are busy going through everything we have owned EVER and have not really been able to relax and do their traditional holiday fun. (ex. We have already been given our Christmas presents, a big fat check. No complaints here)

My brother and I were talking a couple of days ago, and I was at the store looking for an Advent Calendar, and as life goes, the place I was at didn't have one. My brother recommended Target, and I agreed with him, thinking last year I had seen them there. I decided to make a trip to get up my treats.

Fast forward two days to Wednesday, 12/3. I am clearly falling behind in my Christmas Calendar Chocolate Consumption, but life does get in the way. Is a blustery, rainy day. Driving from work was not pretty and I was tempted to push off hunting down this calendar for another day, but as I near my house (and the Target), the rain began to let up, just enough to get my spirit going. So I get to the parking garage, and make my way over to the Target complex. I had multiple missions this night, one was to find Shadow of the Colossus on PS2. So first I go to Best Buy, they don't have my game, and I remember that Target also has an electronics section, so I head over.

Before I get to the electronics section in Target, there is of course the Seasonal section, so I scour the aisles for an Advent Calendar. No luck, but maybe I was just preoccupied by wanting to get the game. So I pop up into electronics and, as my night is going, no dice on the game. Dejectedly I head back to the seasonal section and scour once more, looking very closely. I see so many things there but no Advent Calendar. I look at the impulse buy sections as I am walking out, no luck there either. On a whim, I hop over to Bed Bath & Beyond. They are a store that carries all sorts of funky stuff, so I thought, maybe, just maybe. But nothing there either.

The parking garage is on top of a Giant Grocery store, and you get 2 hour free parking if you buy something at the Giant, so I was already going there. And I thought to scope out there, just to see. Giant has a Seasonal section as well and I walked up and down it twice, still nothing. I walk over to the candy aisle and look, and nothing there. I have given up on the quest.

Since I have to buy something in order to get the free parking, I am walking by all the registers, looking for a Coca-Cola cooler. I see one and reach in and grab a coke, and look up, directly on top of this cooler, and what do I see? ADVENT CALENDARS!

I love when things like that happen. I spent so much time furiously searching for it, only to find it when I gave up hope of having it. The Big Guy has a cracked sense of humor, but I love it, and wouldn't change it for anything.