That Green Eyed Beast and The Blue Skinned Man

So this weekend we are doing the 48 Hour Film Project. Josh and Brian are the brain babies behind it, and I am so proud of them. They have accomplished what I have been trying accomplish for the last few years of my life; make a viable creative partnership. I don't know if it is just me or the others I work with, but it doesn't ever happen. I know that I have to be partially to blame, simply because these things have failed. But I have seen myself be creatively stimulated and I have made things happen. I think that I need to realize that no one else is going to motivate me, and if I want to get it done, I need to make a partnership of one. I can involve others, on consulting bases, but the end all, be all, must be me. I have the power to move myself. You have to stop the pity party and start a commotion. I get tired of going back to my old college and being filled with bad memories and regrets. I have come to a decision. Mark this day down in your calendars and history books. I will be a motivated man. And when I begin to falter, I will look back at this entry, or on this day, and I will remember what I want, and I will again be fueled and resume my uphill battle and I will be able to go to my old haunts and not have regrets and feel that I am accomplishing something. Starting tomorrow.

Back in the Game

I give people grief about how they never finish anything and look at me. But now here I am, "Making my way in the world today..." I feel really good about myself. Life has begun a somewhat upward move. The ducks are lining. I was truly happy when I got into Baby Fat, and watching Natasha teach speaks volumes about her commitment and her mad skills. I have always known that she was a great improviser, but now I can truly learn from her. Our first show is called Juke Joint. It will be musically inspired scenes. On Monday we all brought in songs that move us in one way or another and we played them and acted through them, allowing them to inspire us and help us to find that guttural place that Longform comes from. But to me, each new endeavor has it's bit of rust. I got called out a lot during that first rehearsal, and I know that I deserved it. And I appreciated the knowledge and criticism that Natasha gave me. I think there is that moment where you want to impress and so you try too hard, and maybe you did fine in some people's eyes, but to you, it was not right. Something was amiss, there was not enough connection. And you have to choose whether to learn from that or to let it eat away at you. I watched the others prov and I got a sense that in some ways, they were all in that same place, I think that they all did a better job than I did in that rehearsal, and that's cool, because what doesn't kill you... I just know that we will become a great troupe and will do some kick ass improv, and that is really all that matters. So last weekend, Josh, Matt, Andrew, Brian, and I went to see Comedy Gumbo at the Comedy Spot (AKA ComedySportz, DC). Overall, we had a great time, lots of laughing. And when we got there, Josh and I we talking to Jim Doyle, who is a friend of ours from CSZ. He asked us if we wanted to start coming to rehearsals again, and we were both stoked about it. So once my WIT Longform class ends, I will start going to CSZ again. MORE IMPROV, I DEMAND IT! The Longform class is going well, for the most part. Patrick has the entire structure broken down, and we take it bit by bit. It is amazing how you may have done the Harold before, but break it down and it becomes hard as hell. Dealing with the in between games, especially when you focus on the "game" and patterning, and mapping. I know we will pull it together in the end, but sometimes we get so frustrated with how not well we are doing, or how we don't get it. But just keep on doing it until you do it right. Right now, we are Technically Proficient. What a complisult. But the truth. GOD, I LOVE IMPROV. And if anyone knows anything about posting pictures on here, let me know. I am so lost.

"The Field"

This seems, to me, to be the year of Improv. In the last month I have jump-started my Improv again, and it feels great. To recap, I have been taking classes with Washington Improv Theater, I auditioned for and got into Baby Fat, a long-form troupe being directed by my good friend and former Erasable Inc., Natasha R., when we went to see Comedy Gumbo in Ballston Mall, Josh and I were invited to start coming back to ComedySportz rehearsals, and this past weekend, I was invited to take part in "the field." Now, "the field" is an invite-only program through WIT that essentially amounts to weekly improv dojo,where WIT players and the best students get together to play, learn, and get better. Matt had already been doing "the field" and I had heard about it through Natasha. But my longform teacher, Patrick Gantz, gave my name to one of the people who does invites to the field. So I went on Saturday to the super secret meeting place and gave the passcode and did some sweet improv. The instructor for this past Saturday was a gal named Rebecca, who reminded me of Gwen G. It was a good rehearsal, and I learned some new exercises. One was called the "goodbye scene," where you are at the door and one person is leaving and the person must leave eventually, and it is just about finalizing a conversation and making the conversation real. Another exercise was all about maintaining characters, Rebecca called it "the Five Obstructions." We did one scene, and then Rebecca would give us changes to work with and things to keep in the scene. Example, I and this guy Jim did a scene that took place in a Turkish restaurant, and I was the owner and he was the help. Rebecca said she like our characters and our relationship, but she wanted to see us in a different environment, she put us in a high school setting. It was really comfortable to play in the characters during the second scene because we had already explored the characters in the first scene, dealing with their quirks and tics. That was a real fun exercise.

The Cleaning Lady

This is me and my mom, Sandie(y). I have a tremendous amount of respect for her, and it mostly came along recently. I come from a family of four, Mom, Dad, Brother,and Me. Growing up, I didn't pay attention to the little things, like my toothbrush holder, or the back part of a toilet, or kitchen counters. They were not important to me, they were there merely for support or whatever. And I especially never noticed that they were always CLEAN! But as I grew up, and moved into a house with six guys living in it, I realized how much of a superhero my mom was/is. She was not a stay at home mom. She had a fulltime job as a preschool and elementary school teacher. Both of my parents worked fulltime, and yet there was never any dirt or mold or grime anywhere. I don't know how they did it, but it is true. I realized this when, one day recently, I looked into my toothbrush holder cup and saw mold, or mildew, some sort of grossness, in the bottom. Growing up, had there been elves or gnomes who came into the house late at night to clean, and steal that one sock from the dryer? How did my parents keep they house so clean without me and my brother ever seeing them? I just have so much respect for her, because I am sure that it was her work that kept the house clean, from shower to sink, every nook and crannie. It is a lot of work to keep a house clean, especially when you may be the only one doing any real work at keeping it clean. So this is for my mom, the superhero, the Captainess of Clean, Ms. GrimeGrinder, The Mold Mistress, The Black Widow of Water Marks. I don't say this enough, mom, but I love you. Thanks for birthing me.

My Two Loves

So, as we are wont to do, after my Longform class, we went to Polly's for drinks and carousing, which is always a good time. It was a light night, there were about eight of us there, including Patrick and Ken, instructor and TA respectively. We drank and laughed and the numbers slowly dwindled as people scurried off for home, etc. I ended up sitting next to Patrick and he asked me what my "plan" was with Improv. And that ended up sparking a fairly introspective conversation about what I want. I love improv. Every class I take sets that feeling. Every show I do sets that feeling. It is such an intense high after a great show, knowing that you have made people think, laugh, cry, pee themselves, etc. Patrick was very understanding of my mentality about how I felt. I told him I wanted to get into every troupe WIT has, because they are the Top Dog of improv in DC. He asked me about Chicago and I talked myself in circles about the whole idea. I know that I want improv to be a big part of my life. I can't see myself without improv. After talking with Patrick, I started thinking about Chicago. I had never really thought about it before. I mean, I knew I could go there and take classes and learn, but was it what I really wanted? Did I have the balls to just up and move? Leave a comfort zone and enter uncharted territory? As I talked more and more with Patrick about improv and Chicago, I found myself thinking more and more about going out there. Maybe not forever, but definitely so I could take advantage of the classes and the training and the people. See, this is where my parent's brainwashing kills me. They always said,
"It's good to dream, but keep your feet on the ground." So I dream about two worlds, and they evolve around my two loves. Jenny and Improv. Now, the two don't exist on separate dimensions. They are tied together, but Chicago is a long way away from Jenny, and friends, and family, and a comfort I have grown accustom to, and probably complacent with. I know that I have a lot of searching to do. I just want to make the decision that benefits me the most.

Made my day!

So, I had my first set visit today, for my job. We go down to the sets and make sure that the movie company is taking care of the union extras and so forth. I went with my boss, Jane, and we talked to the union extras and PA's and casting directors, it was cool. I even ran into my Emperess, Theodora. I didn't even recognize her, of course she was dressed in 50's garb. So we chatted for a few minutes and I had to get back to work. We walked around and checked all the things we have to, like toilets, and holding areas, and craft services, and so forth. And then one of the casting directors pulled us aside and pointed, over to about ten feet away from us, to Clint Eastwood. He looks exactly the same in person as he does in the movies. It was really awesome. He seemed really cool and chill. There were some Marines there who were drilling for the movie they were filming, Flags of Our Fathers, and one of them hand a disposable camera, and Clint posed for a picture. He was all smiles the entire time I was there. I just thought it was cool that he was there, because, really, this was a second unit shot, and he didn't have to be here for it. We stayed there for a couple of hours and then headed back to the office to do "work."

Showcase up in this Piece

So this past Thursday, my longform class had it's Showcase. People came from miles around to watch us and the Scene class strut our respective stuffs. We were all really nervous because, for the most part, I don't think we completely understand what it was we were about to do. But Patrick stepped up, as all coaches do in that moment of need and said, "F' it, have fun. If you don't have fun, there is no reason to do it." I paraphrase of course, but it was a message, I think, we all took to heart. He gave us some warmups to do and sent us to the green room. He also told us that we had to come up with our name. He said that we were to do a word association game and listen for patterns to emerge, and as a group we would be able to determine our name this way. It was nerve wracking and exciting backstage. But after some solid group mind work and word play, we became the almighty improv troupe, "The Other Kennedy's." I know what you are thinking, "The 'Adjective' 'Nouns', huh, real original." But to those who feel that way I say, "Yeah, but it was in the moment, and we all knew, at that second, that this was our name. So, shut your face!" As we stood backstage, Jordan and Nick went to the bathroom about 13 times, and while they were in there, we were warming up, Passing Snaps, and there was some great group mind going on. We got into this rhythm about halfway through the snaps, and it was very Zen. For a brief moment, I completely tranced out. Then we took the stage, and we got our theme. Andrew, my man from Ice Cream Land, stepped up and introduced us and got us childhood (I think, it has been a while since the show) and we started our show. I can tell you that there were definitely ups and downs in the show, because that is the way it goes. But I have to say that I thought that it was the best Harold this class had performed. And I think that most of it had to do with us just having fun and keeping it simple. Even when we did things that we had no idea how they fit in to the Harold. We did this game that was just us snapping, like competition style and then it was me and Anne and she whipped my butt (her snaps are far superior, she amassed a snap of extraordinary magnitude). We had no clue what was going on, but the audience bought into it and then at the end of that game the exploded into applause for Anne. It rocked, hardcore. So we finished up our set, and I met up with Josh, Brian, Andrew, and Melinda. They said they liked the show and I told them that we were all going out for drinks to celebrate. My class and friends, and random people,and strangers all headed down the street to Da's to partake in some well deserved beverages. And let me tell you, I was on such a adrenalin high from the show, that after only one shot and one beer, I was pretty darn gone, but as the adrenalin wore off and the booze really set in, the party ensued. We all sat around and drank and laughed and had fun. And I kept getting razzed because periodically I would wear a bandana to class, if I was having a bad hair day. So Jordan took my bandana first and wore it at Da's. Then Ken took my bandana and wore it the rest of the night. In fact, he still has it. But we will let the courts decide who gets final and complete custody. So we closed Da's down and people scattered to the winds and I found myself in DC, at 2 a.m., with no metro running and no cash. But I am resilient, after drunken ATM fondling and cabhandling, I found myself back at home, no worse for wear.

What A Month

So it has been a hell of a month. A lot has gone down. Most of it good. Right now, yours truly is in a play in Baltimore. Oh, hells yeah! My friend Flicka, er, Sherri called me up at the end of July and said that she was directing a play at this place called the Vagabond Theater in Fells Point. She was like, "You should totally come up and audition." So, I said yes, of course, anything for a friend. So PJ and I went and auditioned, pretty much ringers for the part, you know, because we always sleep with the directors. HAHAHA. The play is Red Peppers by Noel Coward. It is about a husband and wife vaudeville team in England. It is not the best Noel Coward play, but it is fun. As I am auditioning for Sherri, one of the other directors asked me if I would mind doing her play as well, you see it is three one act plays by Mr. Coward. So I said yes, why not, I am already up there, right? Yeah. Well our final weekend is this up coming one, and while it has been fun(ish), I welcome not having to drive up to Baltimore every weekend night. Suffer for your friends, it's what we must do. My dad is coming to town next week for a work conference. I will be glad to see him, because I haven't seen either of my parents since February, what with their living in Hawaii and what have you. I am glad that I will be able to spend time with him, because my work schedule gives me night and weekends free, just like my cell phone. Sweet. But now for the piece de resistance. Okay I kept this to myself for fear of jinxing it, but I have succeeded, and now I can spill it. After my last Longform Showcase, my instructor, as we were all getting heavily intoxicated at DA's, asked me about what I wanted to do with my improv. I told him I wanted to be in every WIT group I can get into. I want to improv 7 nights a week. He started talking about some "auditions" coming up that were going to be invite only. And the night pressed on, and I basically forgot about it and chalked it up to drunken conversation. A few weeks later, I got an email from Season Six, which is another improv group under the WIT umbrella. They invited me to an audition they were holding because they were losing some of their players. I said yes to the audition, you know, I can't get enough improv. And on this past Monday I went and played with Season Six. It was a lot of fun, I never have as much fun as when I am doing improv. After the five of us who auditioned finished up the night, they said they would call us the next day and let us know what they decided. It turns out that they were looking for two people to fill the group. So all day Tuesday, I was checking my email and my phone, being really nervous about it. I kept telling myself to not think about it and get back to work. I felt like a kid trying to see Santa Claus (who doesn't exist, sorry Bret, it's your parents). Finally, I am driving home, and I get a call from a number I don't recognize, so immediately I start screaming and freaking out. I clam myself up and answer the phone, and it turns out to be Patrick, who was my teacher in the longform class and the director of Season Six. He said that all the people of Season Six loved improving with me and want to extend me an invitation to join their group. He and I talked about my being in Baby Fat/Juke Joint, and he said that he knew that Baby Fat would be my priority, and that I would not be placed in an ultimatum situation. Season Six wanted me, and the invitation didn't hinge on any Baby Fat factors. I have never felt more wanted and appreciated. So we talked for ten or so minutes and he said he was going to go and call the other person they were inviting into the group. So I said bye, and then immediately called my mom, and verbally diarrhea'd the story to her for a half an hour or so. I feel awesome! After 29 years, things seem to be setting themselves up for me. Life is GOOD!!!!!!!!

All Alone

When the world was first born, and the first man created, he sat by himself under an apple tree. He was content with his life because he was busy. He was set upon to name all the flora and fauna. He did this for a long time, but he grew tired, "I need a companion, one of my own, so that I may pass the time more easily." So the One, who was the Creator, granted his wish, and he had a spouse. They led a quiet life together in this paradise, this heaven on earth. But soon they were tempted, by greed and by lust, by power and by glory, by this snake. They were forced to leave paradise for a world of evil and heartache. So it is that we exist as well. We trod along in this haphazard world, hoping for power, or glory, but destined for doom. We think of ourselves as this indestructible force to be reckoned with. Never depending on anyone but ourselves, knowing that we are the greatest power on this planet. But what we truly wish for; love, companionship, the one thing we had to begin with, but threw it away to quest for greed. How many of us have found our true quests in this world? The search for enlightenment, for Oneness, the greatest quest there ever was. Who, of us all, can sit on a lonely night, in a lonely place, and be content with the job we have been placed with; to make this world a better place, one person at a time. To spread happiness, one laugh at a time. To make true friends and keep them as that after years and years. I am one to raise my hand, for I feel close to Oneness. I strive for the betterment of all around me, those whom I shelter with my smile and frighten away evil with my laughter. No power shall bring me down to its level. Though I have strayed from the path at times, I always find my way back, through a well placed message from someone I have touched, like bread crumbs in a dark forest. Waking me from the trance of the beast, that green eyed monster which tries to devour me whole. Right when it thinks it has me in it's grasp, I let out a mighty laugh, which dazes it long enough for me to slip through it's claws and scramble away. It has no power over me. I find the crumbs and as I near the path again, the crumbs grow larger and I begin to see that it is not just one set of crumbs, but hundreds left for me by the ones I love. So back on to the path I tread, and I leave the crumbs for those who follow me along this path. I pause to make a sign for the path. It reads, "Hang in there." And I know that this path may be easier to follow because I have helped to carve it. But even though I have made it down part of the path, how do I know what awaits me at the end? Maybe its the green eyed beast, waiting for a lapse in my judgment, to pounce on me and usurp my soul. Or, perhaps, it is the true goal of every one awaiting at the end; a companion, one who is enlightened like me. A counterpart. An equal. Yin to my yang. Day to my night, so that I may spread Oneness to all people at all times. So that none might hide from our happiness. But which is it? Only one way to find out. I must cut the path for others behind me and keep aware of the beast, never let it catch me sleeping. Keep it at the edge of my light, snarling and cringing. I must take heed of my own laughter and joy, seeking true inner Oneness, and know that even if the end of this path holds the dreaded beast, I will vanquish it again and forge a new path.

Switzerland

You want to know what kind of gets the old Justin sneaking back up on me? Switzerland. Now I don't mean the country, yay for chocolates and cuckoo clocks, I mean when people take themselves out of a situation because they don't want to offend people by having an opinion. So, last night, basically there ended up being a party in my room. It started with me and my friend Nermal watching Streetcar Named Desire, which we stopped about halfway through. Vivien Leigh was insane, we both looked at each other and we knew. We couldn't take anymore of her, but Brando was awesome. We wanted to digitally make it into a one man Brando show. Then we started watching Disney's Robin Hood. People started trickling downstairs because they heard us or whatever, and it ended up being about seven of us just chilling out. Hosep noticed my Seed of Chucky poster, and I told him it was a prank that the guys had pulled on me while I was in Hawaii. PJ then brought up the pranks he was still bitter about; his Scotch disappearing and then reappearing, and the dishes debacle. You see, the house went to Chicago for spring break, and I was the only one not going. I told the guys that they needed to do their dishes before they left. Lamont actually did his, but the others didn't. So they left and I took all the dirty dishes and put them in drawers because I was sick of seeing them. They sat in the drawers for a couple weeks, which really is nothing because they sat on the counter for several months. They had done a similar thing when I went to Hawaii for three weeks; they left all the dishes there for me to clean. They cleaned the kitchen, but left the dishes, which weren't even mine to begin with. Therefore, I ended up doing about two months of dishes after three months of time. They all said that they did their dishes and that all they had left for me to do were mine, but that is BS. Anyway, that is not me being angry, it is just backstory. So, we are in my room and PJ is still worked up over the drawer/dish fiasco. And when I give the cliff's notes version of the dishes prank, so that people know what we are talking about, PJ laughs and says that is just my version of the story. He then says that I never told them to do their dishes before they left. And I said that I did tell them to do their dishes because Lamont did his share of the dishes before he left. And I look at him to confirm it, not trying to win a fight, purely for the sake of the truth. Lamont was Switzerland. He didn't respond. And that just got me feeling weird, why is it that he wouldn't agree with either of us. I wouldn't have cared if he had agreed with PJ, which I know he wouldn't/didn't, but his not engaging in the conversation was infuriating, because he was such a part of what had occurred. He was there when it happened, he was one of the three people who had dishes they needed to do, and his dishes were done before he left for Chicago. Secretly, I know the reason, and that is certain people don't take correction well. And it is easier to abstain from saying anything when the answer would cause more tension, at least on one side of the conversation. But still, I consider PJ an "intellectual bully." He is very smart, and due to his superior intellect, he may have become a bit conscious of how smart, or how much smarter than others, he is. And he likes to tussle, so when you challenge him, he goes on the defensive and gets belligerent, and most people don't really like him for that reason. But for me, I feel that I need to make sure that his views of the world around us are crystal clear. So I call him out on stuff. When he says he did something, and I know he didn't, I call him on it. Because I won't let him push me around or let him boldface lie to people. However, other people walk on eggshells with him so that their lives aren't made more inconvenient by his ranting and raving about whatever his topic is.

True love, Friends, and Desperation

I just got home from a great party! My friend, Blaire, through a surprise birthday party for her boyfriend's fortieth. It was awesome! She rented out this private room at a bar in Bethesda, and gathered all his friends and family. She got him there under false pretense. He was really surprised, and the night went on, and debauchery ensued. There was free beer and wine, little burgers (those are so good when you are fairly drunk, I know from experience). I tell you that story so I can tell you this one. I was supposed to have a date on the night in question, but it fell through. Waaa Waaa, blah blah blah. So my roomie had told me about this party, and I was just going to take it easy and do nothing tonight, just chill. But, while I was at rehearsal for Season Six (which was awesome! Very educational, and a lot of fun), Stacey was asking me if I was going to the party. I told her that I would go. You know, it never hurts to schmooze, and in retrospect, I was glad to have been there. And plus, I thought that I might get a chance for some one on one with Stacey. She's a real cool lady. Funny, good looking, great personality, etc. So I get home and tell Shari, my roomie, that I will be going to the party after all. She was sad that my date fell through, but happy I was going to the party. We get to the party and it is rocking! Jon Anthony is there, and so is Mark, Dave, Rory, Ben, and Sean. All people I know through improv. Blaire even had a band there. By band I mean, two guys, but there were terrific (terrific is a far underused word, just like swell). So we are rocking and rolling, loud music, drinks. I am doing my best to chill (you know me and parties, with my eyes, I don't do well in dark places, so I rarely do party in places I don't know). We get a couple hours into this kick ass shindig, and then the power goes out. It was insane! I was standing outside when it happened. (We think a power transformer blew or something, it was super windy). So, we still keep rocking in the dark, which was the coolest. The bar let us stay and party. The band played acoustic pop chocolates, it was all up and up. Then the bar kicked us out, we were there for at least an hour and the power had not come back on, they did the best, but they had to kick us out. Blaire states that the party will now continue at her suite at the Hyatt, by the metro. So I grab my jacket and I head outside, looking for a familiar face to head to the party. But no one is there. Then I hear, "Hey Justin, Justin. It's Topher." I see him in the car with Blaire. They ask me if I need a ride to the Hyatt, and I hop in. We get to the hotel, very snazzy, and we get to partying. Blaire orders room service, and we rock hard. So hard in fact that the security people have to keep telling us to keep it down. So the party winds down and I head for the metro, gained nothing but good times, and some cheek kisses from our lovely hostess. I get to the Metro, and who do I see there, but Stacey and her friend, Kristen. They had left probably half an hour before I did. So I sit with them and talk while waiting for our mutual rides. While talking, Stacey leans over and says, " I'm almost desperate enough to sleep with you." Now, which part of that is the worst, the almost, or the desperate? I laughed and said that was sweet of her to say, and to tell me when she actually was desperate enough. Because I rock worlds! I turn desperation into inspiration, maybe even perspiration (Yay sweaty sex.) It was just weird to have that laid on me. I am a great guy. I am decent looking. I'm hella funny. I have a good job. I live in a nice apartment (finally). That weird thing about it was that I thought I was getting and "interested vibe" from her. Now I know I can be/am oblivious to ladies being interested in me, but sometimes I do figure it out. I guess I was wrong, what else is new? It's cool, I am happy with my friends and my situation, so I shouldn't worry about it. Good things come...... And I know (hope) that it was mostly the booze talking. Alcohol is a social lubricant, and loosens lips, but as some roman dude said, "In Vino Veritas." I have been a victim of such Bacchynalia, had my share of slips, that after I said them, I wish I hadn't. But, life goes on. Nothing cures like a good night's sleep, and then the realization of what you said hitting you the next morning along with your hangover. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Blah blah blah. My mom says I'm special.

Redemption and Validation

So last night, I was at the Children’s School, for rehearsal and other reasons. I volunteered to be the class registrar for Washington Improv Theater. So I was asked to be the “greeter.” I am there on the first day of class to make the new students feel safe and secure, and to answer any questions they may have. I showed up extremely early, I later found out that the class didn’t start until 7:30, and was there at 6:30. So around seven, people for one of the other classes show up, as well as members of the illustrious group, Season Six. I am chatting with Stuart and this guy comes up and I don’t know him but he is in the class that is at 7. He is asking us why we are here, and I tell him that there is a new class starting tonight. He asks me if I am teaching it, and I explain to him that I am just the greeter. He tells me that he thinks I am a really good improviser and as soon as I teach a class, he is signing up for it, and then he heads in to his class. That blew my mind, I was just glad that Stuart was there to witness it. Not that I am going to go running around blathering about it or let it go to my head, but it is nice to be appreciated for what you love to do. It’s rare moments like these that make my life exciting. That, and speedballs.